Saving Journalism: Tips For The Future

(These are all tweets appearing @AndyMedici. If you like them, feel free to follow.)

Saving #journalism Tip 1: Pick lotto numbers in five minute increments -“Is your dog killing you? That and the 2nd number after the break!”

Saving #journalism Tip 2: Scratch and sniff food reviews? Or better yet, scratch and sniff International News and Politics Pages!

Saving #journalism Tip 3: Make Sunday Edition 6,000 pages and 412 pounds. Deliver to all. Offer paid service to take it away again. Profit.

Saving #journalism Tip 4: Send journalism robot back in time to stop journalism judgment day. Trust 13-year-old to make right decisions.

Saving #journalism Tip 5: Leave all headline nouns, verbs and adjectives blank. Let readers fill out their own. Hilarity ensues. Profit.

Saving #journalism Tip 6: Bet it all on 36 Red. Seriously. It’s a sure thing. I have a cousin who swears by it.

Saving #Journalism Tip 7:Print stories on sides of buses. Make buses drive in reverse to make stories readable. Write about bad bus drivers.

Saving #Journalism Tip 8: No Paywall for content, but “E”s will cost you. Dearly.

Saving #Journalism tip 9: Make articles SEO-Friendly with disclaimer: “Note. This article contains no links to jersey shore, lada gaga…

Saving #journalism Tip 10: Raise quick cash with Fourth Estate sale.

Saving #journalism Tip 11: Make articles seem important in print and online by PUTTING EVERYTHING IN CAPS. Makes for more interesting Obits.

Saving #journalism Tip 12: Product tie-in. Drunk mobile users can’t text unless they read David Broder column. Profit.

Saving #journalism Tip 13: Reproduce “authentic feel” of newspapers on mobile by installing ink cartridge that rubs off onto users’ hands.

Saving #journalism Tip 14: Expand “announcements” section to include divorces, separations and breakups. Charge more for exclamation points.

Saving #Journalism Tip 15: Save money on reporters by “double-spacing” text in all newspapers and magazines. TV Anchors? Talk reeeaal slow